Surrendering to Resistance - Part II: The Shift
This is all you need to know right now:
Our artistic director proposed an idea: Theatre for One. A theatre piece made for one person. He wanted to explore this concept, and do a mini version as a trial run, at a two day company retreat. I was totally on board, and eager to get started, with plenty of ideas fueling my desire.
We did some individual prep work before the retreat. Moments before our first meeting, I realized I had been interpreting the idea of Theatre for One somewhat differently that what had actually been proposed. I thought it was supposed to be a piece made for one specific person, but performed for many. In actuality, it was to be a piece made for one person and performed for one person.
"Ummm..." The instant this other interpretation clicked in my head, I could feel the bratty 8th grader skeptic rise up in me, furrow my brow, slant my hips, and brace my whole body into the, "Are you serious?" stance. I won't bore you with her rant (Not in this article, anyway). Suffice it to say, I was resistant. To the point that, despite my effort to be diplomatic and adult about my thoughts and intuitions, I could tell that, I was coming off as...a little childish? When compromises were offered, I turned them all down. As if to say, "No, it's fine. I mean, I'll do it or whatever, but just know that I knew before we started that this was a bad idea." Later, I recognized I was in that state where I want this to be a problem and I don't want anyone to fix it. I'm sure I didn't come off quite as childish as this (at least, I hope not...) but it is how I felt that night after the meeting. To the point that I couldn't sleep.